Saturday, November 06, 2004

wokey.. i'm so tired. i keep saying i'm over it... i'm over it. my mind begins to believe but my organ that pumps blood still arbors the ache. pangs of it.

i told my sister all about it... and we rewalked the path alongside the stores where it happened. i'm beginning to think i hold on to moments for so long. eventhough it didnt take much time for them to happen. it's like my brain takes a picture and puts it as the display image in my head so i only see what i want to see.

at least i know it really happened. it's real and not just an object of my imagination.

i met francis, err.. no comment. he likes to pay for everything... no wonder my sister gets to save a lot. haha! we ate in dulcinea and i saw a lot of people i havent seen for so long. talked to a few for a minute or 2 and said my goodbyes.

it was nice.

man... i noticed i was smiling the whole time but inside i was screaming coz i couldnt take the injustice. people see me as someone who's happy all the time. oh boy, you'd be surprised. there are just somethings you dont show... like how you really feel. people dont need to know, i doubt they even want to know.

someone told me just last week that behind my smile he sees so much sadness and confusion. he adviced that i should let go but these are memories, it happened to me. i couldnt just forget about them... i simply choose not to do so. nostalgic... curses!!

why did i suddenly begin to feel this way... again? why is it that when i have finally learned to let go of someone.. another one comes along and complicates everything i thought was simple.

i never thought i would be like those girls who talk about errr.. whatever it is you call this, write about it even. but then it's happening to me. i didnt see this coming. i didnt do anything for it to get that far. i didnt even know. it was all new to me but he said it started during kate's party pa. and then it hit me, that was last JULY pa. all this time he had lived with the longing, coped and now it bothers me... like hell it does.

i never saw him as a GUY. for me he was just a friend. most people think this perception is weird. but i dont see people as girls OR guys. to me they're either friends, acquiantances, crushes or strangers. hahaha... dont ask me. even my mind betrays me now. i was caught off guard and now i cant recover.

it's not like i didnt want this to happen. goddd i am wicked. that's probably why i'm being punished.

anyway, i didnt go to the concert in rockwell tent. i just stayed outside because we were goin to have a family dinner pa. but this day made me realize on how much i'm missing out at. friends. my old barkada [caria, cams, pam, nique, anne and bea]. opportunities. experiences.. life itself.

JUST LET IT GO, KAT!!! LET GO!


leaving skool nothing to see here at 11:34 PM

{xoxo}