Thursday, December 02, 2004

I AM THE HAPPIEST PERSON!!

he finally confirmed.. WOOOHOOO!! i have a promdate!! i dont think i can bear the humiliation of asking someone again.. i barely made it alive out of this one. HAHA! it's a tough job!

i am in a blissful state where nothing can bring me down... or get in the way of my happiness. not even all the school work, school work and did i say school work?

things havent been goin as planned and maybe i should be morose, even lethargic. haha! but i cant imagine myself just sulking in one corner, obsessing about how my life isnt perfect. i've gone through that state a million times but after your pitfall, you just have to stand up, pull yourself together and move on. indulging in self pity is so illogical and a total waste of time.

maybe at a certain point in your life, you will find an equal. almost as if that person is a guy version of yourself... when you do, given some thought, your life will never be the same. i have found that person, in the most unlikely place. i even found it fascinating how we have so much in common and i wasnt the only one who noticed.

when you're with someone, you dont really know what they're thinking unless they say it to you straight. one thing i learned last weekend, guys arent the only ones who are dense. haha! you find out things that you're not supposed to even know about but they tell it to ur face anyway. what so sickening about it? knowing the low down dirt about that person only made me want to venture in his company more. baffled, perplexed... whatever it is, mystified even... it gave me an utter excitement i dare not explain. basically because i cant.

it's scary... because when i look at him now, i get hooked even more. he's like a drug that i cant get enough of. my medicine... my escape. reading his post one time made me cry. and it made me hate the fact that i'm still hurting after so long but the most recent one got to me. when i think about it, when i think about him and what he wrote... [seeing that he's at his all time low, calling himself names, putting himself down.. making it seem like his efforts are never good enough and that ALL his achievements amount to nothing...] I SEE MYSELF.

first thing that came to my mind was... pathetic... why do u make yourself vulnurable to these things? and since when did you care about what other people think? and then it hit me... that no great advice will ever soothe the person, no compliment so flattering [but true] will ever calm his grief-stricken mind coz i've been there. at times i think i'm still there... and i never listen.

it makes you wonder who your friends really are... who you really are...

i am changing in front of you [as in transforming ha, what are u thinking? haha!]... thank god you saw me...

when you asked me if i was ok... in my mind i said "i am now."

when you asked me if i wanted water or something to eat... in my mind i said "i want YOU!!."

it's so straightforward... funny even... hahaha! i dont really... it's just that:

you never cease to amaze me.




leaving skool nothing to see here at 3:20 PM

{xoxo}