Monday, January 10, 2005

I HAVE FOUND THE ANSWER!!!!!

it's embarrassing but... oh boy, i see myself in georgiana reed: except for the being drop dead gorgeous, doll-looking, everyone's fancy part. ackk. i'm reading chap. 21 of jane eyre when i came across eliza's outburst and just as i was scanning through the contents, i saw myself in the description. it's odd but... it made me feel a whole lottttttttttt better. now i know what to work on... i can caution myself. i've been selfish and fond of declaring what's missing but i never really took the time to appreciate what's there. this will be a long transition, it's not promising either. at least i have found hope in these pages... wishing that soon, i may again find happiness.

Georgiana, a more vain and absurd animal than you was certainly never allowed to cumber the earth. you had no right to be born; for you make no use of life. instead of living for, in and with yourself, as a reasonable being ought, you seek only to fasten your feebleness on some other person's strength: if no one can be found willing to burden her or himself with such a fat, weak, puffy, useless thing, you cry out that you are ill-treated, neglected, miserable. then too, existence for you must be a scene of continual change and excitement, or else the world is a dungeon: you must be admired, you must be courted, you must be flattered- you must have music, dancing and society- or you languish, you die away. have you no sense to devise a system which will make you independent of all efforts, and all the wills, but your own?
............. BLAH BLAH BLAH............... take this advice: the first and last i shall offer you; that you will not want me or any one else, happen what may. neglect it- go on as heretofore, craving, whining, and idling- and suffer the results of your idiocy, however bad and insufferable they may be.

the resemblance both strikes and scares me. it's unbelievable that i find it amusing. although i havent fallen in love with my reflection, i have all the traits of a frickin' narcissist.

which is not good. sooooo not good at all.


leaving skool nothing to see here at 6:45 PM

{xoxo}